Thursday, June 30, 2005

Secure this bitch.....

My job was going good until about a week ago. The real shitty part happened today. I won't go into it, as it is just boring ass Suprervisor drama. Just when I began really enjoying my job, this shit happens. Another Supervisor pulling one of my guys and not notifying me of it. Imagine my suprise when I get blamed for not having a position filled. I did, but he didn't show up. I don't know why. OH wait, that dick supervisor took him from me and made him work for him.

So now I'm screwed. On a day that I was just going to be kicking back with friends is now a work day. I have to fill a shift tonight. Granted it's only for 4 hours, but it still sucks.

The biggest problem is that now I am hating the place that I work so bad, that I want to quit. The owner tries to blame me for not communicating with the thieving supervisor. Well gee, I'm sorry, I didn't realize that I was suppose to call him and ask, "Hey, are you thinking of stealing any of my guys this week?"

The other thing that sucks is that now I am second guessing myself. I spoke to the thieving supervisor and he said that he told me he needed my guy. I was pretty sure that he didn't tell me, but now I am wondering if maybe he did. I could have been thinking of something else when he told me, or I could have acknowledged it, but not written it down. WHO KNOWS.

All I know is that I am pissed at the entire situation. I hate that I have to work on my day off. I hate that I don't get paid as much as the other supervisors and I have a bigger schedule to fill. I hate that the owner doesn't really get things sometimes. I know that you will say, "Well things suck. Buckle up butter cup." It's not like that. I mean yes there are worse things that could happen. I could wake up and not be able to see, or walk.

With great power, comes great responsibility. That's what they say, but I think that sometimes the responsibility out weighs the power. I know that none of you care and maybe I'll erase this, I don't know. All I do know is that I am pissed and I hate my job. I want to go far far away and never deal with this again.

I get paid pretty good for doing what I do, but when it rains it pours. I try to let things slide off my back, but sometimes they stick for a little bit. I sometimes wonder what would happen if I quit. What would they do without me. Not that I am all that great, but I do alot for the company. I'm sure some of you will say that I am just a fucking security guard. That I should just go back to work and everything will be fine. Maybe and maybe not.

I should either tell them to forget about me being supervisor, or to pay me more. All I know is that I will probably be angry for quite awhile. I know that this is what alot of you put up with at work, but I had never until recently. Sucks to me I guess.

Well anyway I have to go to work now. Just thought I'd vent. Who cares.

E.T. Phone Home

This movie was so powerful for me. It is the second movie that I remember seeing in my life. I remember crying when E.T. died. It was horrible I couldn't believe it. Then Eliot is allowed to say goodbye to E.T. before they take the body away. He was crying, and I was crying because I felt the same thing he did. As he closed the lid, E.T. chest began to glow. Eliot did not notice, but I did. I wanted to scream for him to look, but I knew that he couldn't hear me if I did. Turning around and walking away, Eliot notices the plant on the table by him is beginning to blossom. I was as amazed as he was. He turned around, opened the freezer that E.T. was in, and unzipped the body bag. E.T. shouted, "Eliot, Eliot." Eliot was so happy to see E.T. alive, and so was I. In the course of about five minutes I had gone from heartbreak to extreme joy. I was 11, and would have no idea how much this film touched me, for 20 more years. It would end up being the best movie experience of my life.

Cut to, 20 years later, and my friend wants to go see E.T. the 20th anniversary edition at the theater. I told her that I had only seen the movie once when it first came out. She was going with her husband and her stepson Taylor, and I thought that it would be good to be there and experience the movie with him for the first time. Also it wouldn't hurt to see the new edition of the movie.

Now, we're in the theater and the movie is playing and I'm drawn in completely. I'm not even watching Taylor, just the movie. The same scene comes up with E.T. dying, and even though I know the movie, tears are rolling down my cheeks. Once again, I am as hurt as Eliot is. The flower blooms, and I get a chill up my spine. Eliot opens the freezer and the bag, and I have a big smile on my face and a lump in my throat. E.T. says, "Eliot, Eliot.", and I am laughing. I knew that I had been manipulated by this movie and it was a great thing. It takes a real genius to do that, and his name is Steven Speilberg.

I'll give you a few examples of his work, that you may be familiar with.

Dr. Grant saving the children from the T-Rex in Jurassic Park,
Indiana Jones running from the giant boulder in the cave in Raiders of the Lost Ark,
Richard Dreyfuss when he first sees the spaceship in Close Encounters of the Third Kind,
the attack on the beach in the beginning of Saving Private Ryan,
the woman being attacked by the shark at the beginning of Jaws,
and the robotic spiders looking for Tom Cruise in the bathtub in Minority Report.

All of these made you feel something whether you noticed it or not. The power of movies can do that to you.

I am a big Speilberg fan as you can tell, and I couldn't wait for War of the Worlds. I knew that it was going to be huge. I went on opening day, first showing, by myself, and it was great. I cried, laughed, and felt scared. He had done it again.

That is what I love about a Steven Speilberg movie, it has everything.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

If I had a cap gun and a big wheel.....

I would look pretty silly if I tried to ride to New Orleans.

It's a weird thing breaking somebody's arm. You twist it around so they'll listen to you, but then you here a snap, and the arm gives a little. OOOOPS! I broke it.

Sometimes you see the true nature of a person. They say that real men are forged in the heat of battle. What about the men that aren't real, the cowards. Where are they?

If I had to venture a guess, I would say that the leader lives in New Orleans. He's passive aggressive with a whole lot of anger to type. He reminds me of a Lemur, except he's FUCKING UGLY. I don't just mean looks, I mean all over.

When is a joke, not a joke?

NEVER. It's always a joke. Hence the name, JOKE. If someone is a snooty, judgemental, serious, spiritual, indigenious tribe following, crack in Texas fearing, offensive blog avoiding, partial story hearing, masturbating to a fashion victim doll kind of a person, then maybe they wouldn't be into jokes. That wouldn't be my problem. I'm here to make people laugh, but I can't force them to.

I could force them to eat their own shit, but that would only be fun for me. Although, if this someone does masturbate to a doll then maybe he would like eating his own shit.

I am not allowed in the house of the offended. Which is fine with me. There is nothing that we would have in common anyway. They are beyond me, not in intellect, but in the deep reaches of the cosmos. That is where they are living. They say they are living life and seeing the true world, and we are just living in a delusionary state. Well it sounds like a boring suck ass time, where they are. Give me the fun, carefree life of the delusionary.

There is a fence, and they are living with the gophers under the neighbor's yard. They are down their worrying about the end of the world and the threat of bad spirits. They have alot of worries. Everyone I know, including myself are living on this side of the fence. We are above ground in the shade of a tree. No worries.

Granted it is not all candy canes and sugar plum fairies where we are, but we try and cope. They can't stop the end of the world or fight spirits, but they sure as hell are gonna try.

We are not giving up and becoming cowards. We know our place in the world and we are fine with it. They are scrambling for an identity to find a place in their world, and they think they'll be better for it. (And they call us delusional)

As Tyler Durden said in Fight Club, "Sticking a feather in your ass does not make you a chicken."

Shit happens, people change, and friends grow apart. You never think it can happen to you and YOUR friends, but it does.

You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both, and there you have.....

SO BE IT!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, June 27, 2005

Murder incorporated

If I tell somebody a story, I tell them the whole thing. This is why I tell long stories. I never only tell the parts that make me look good, because I don't like those kind of people. Some people who call themselves friends of mine, say that I have done this against them. I have not.

They think that they are so right and that I am so WRONG. They assume that if someone says that they are on my side of a certain issue that they must have only been told my side of the story. That is the part that is wrong.

The issue of course is the drowning of my dear kitten, STRIPE. Friends of mine who have read about how I killed this kitten are fully aware of both sides of the story. They know that I would not do that, and that these other friends are over analyzing the story and not reading for the joke that it is. My friends that know me, tell me that they don't know how these friends would act if they heard any of OUR conversations. Being as they are not as open as they say they are, or that they are to into the serious matters in life that they would not get what we talk about. Such as ANAL SEX, CRAPPY RELIGION, and anything else that really has no deep meaning.

My point is this, I am a weird individual and tell weird off the wall stories. My friends know this and the others don't. OBVIOUSLY.

A little addendum to this is that my friend Joe, who has been a friend of mine for 27 years was inconclusive about whether I did kill a kitten or not. The difference to this in case you are wondering is that Joe called me and asked if it was a joke because it sounded like one, but also it almost sounded true. For the most part it sounded like a joke he said. He did not cry all night, or worry about my mental capacity for normal thought. He also talked to me right away about it, and the problem was solved.

Some people just jump to conclusions, and act WITHOUT knowing. I was hurt that a friend would think that about me. The whole thing is over now, I am done.

Unless I am fueled to write more on the subject.

Saturday, June 25, 2005

It's a thin line between love and hate.

For 2 days I will not be blogging. I couldn't think of anything to write other than this.

I sometimes hate being a Supervisor.

I really like German Chocolate cake, but don't get it much.

I hate when people assume something about a person that they have never met.

I like the shows 'Lost', '24', 'Family Guy', and 'Arrested Developement'.

I hate 'Full House', 'The View', and 'Teletubbies'.

I love Pepsi.

I hate the whole "Tom and Katie" and "Brad and Angelina" thing.

I love movies.

I hate negative people.

I love ALL my friends.

I hate kittens, Ronnie Voncer, and friends that think that I could be a serial killer.

I love grandmothers. (Especially the sexy ones.)

I hate the unsexy ones.

I love my imagination.

I hate that I have to work tomorrow for 16 hours.

I love that I have a job.

I hate that I can't think of a better stuff to write for this blog.

I love that I am going to go home and go to sleep.

That's about it. I mean there's more to me than just love and hate. The song says, "it's a thin line between love and hate", but I think sometimes there's a huge gap. (Not the store, but the space between something.) Anyway that's what's up, and I will write more on Monday.

Have a nice weekend everybody!

Friday, June 24, 2005

So, your friend thinks that you're a serial killer.

I want to...................

kick every woman in the cunt,

piss on a police man,

violate an unplugged toaster,

shit on a parked car,

and dry hump a library book.

Would I ever do these things? NO. People who don't know me may think that I would, but they'd be wrong. Okay, maybe piss on a police man, but that's it. Although.....................

You sometimes think that people know you, but then it turns out that you are way off. A friend of mine had thought that I killed a kitten because of a post that I wrote. She was so offended that she took me off of her links on her blog. She then tries to tell me that she didn't know if it was real or not, because it was WRITTEN SO WELL.

What a bunch of BULLSHIT!

She said that she thought that it might be true, because I had put so many truths in it. I told her that anyone who knew me, would know that I would never do that, it was a joke. Granted it might have not been that funny of a joke, but I liked it.

All she can say is that the rest of the post was written so truthful that she thought the paragraph of the kitten drowning was real. I informed her that the end of the paragraph about the kitten says that I lost my car keys and didn't need to kill my kitten to experience loss, because I had lost my keys before.

She just said that that sounded like a serial killer's mentality. That they will kill out of the passion of the moment, and then do or talk about something mundane. I told her that I'm not, or ever will be, a serial killer. So now what's worse, the fact that she thinks that I killed a cat, or that I have a serial killer's mentality? I guess I could combine the two and be a serial cat killer.

I then asked her about my other post. The mother, grandmother, sister fucking one. She said that she did not find that one funny either. I explained to her that I did not necessarily mean her grandmother. The way that I saw it was that some stranger about my age would be reading it. In so doing, he would be pissed that I fucked the whole female side of his family. Also what struck me funny was the visual of me fucking a grandmother. Some old lady who doesn't know what's going on, and I'm pumping away. Maybe while the mother licks my ass, and the sister sits on my face.

The point is this. Anyone who knows me, knows that I would never do anything like kill a kitten or gang fuck your female relatives. (Unless they ask for it, or provoke me.)

Whether something that a friend of yours writes touches you on an emotional level or not, I would hope that you know your friend. (You would not condemn them for something they didn't do.)

I hold all my friends very close, and I would hope that they know me. I would like to believe that they don't think I'm insane.

"It puts the lotion on it's skin, or it gets the hose again."-----Jame Gumb

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Cosmic Coincidences

Some people don't believe me when I tell them of these weird things that happen. I call them COSMIC COINCIDENCES. Some say that there is no such thing as a coincidence, that things happen for a reason. Others blow it off, as just weird.

I'm trying to figure out where to start.

Let me give you an example of what happens to me. One day I'm at work and thinking about how I need to buy the movie Conspiracy Theory, because I like Mel Gibson's performance in it. In the morning when I got home, I watched a Saturday Night Live that I had recorded. They had a skit on there that had italians in it. I was thinking, "Wow, that would have been neat if they would have had Father Guido Sarduchi in it. (Who used to be on SNL in the 1970's) I wonder what he's doing now?"

After SNL, I turned channels and what did I find on TBS? That's right, Conspiracy Theory.

I thought that was really weird and I kept turning channels. For some reason I stopped on a sports channel. On there they started talking about how when they play baseball by the bay, they have these dogs that jump in the water and get the homerun balls. I thought okay. Then they said, "Don Novello came to us one day and said that we should mix America's favorite past time with man's best friend." I thought the name, Don Novello sounded familiar. Shortly after that they have an interview with Don Novello. It was the guy that used to play Father Guido Sarduchi.

I almost fell out of my chair.

My friend says that if you are pregnant, then all of a sudden you notice all these pregnant women. You just notice it more, when it identifies with you. That's all fine and dandy. I actually like that saying it's kind of cute.


What makes us think of the things in the first place. These kind of things happen to me all the time. Months ago, I was thinking of Hunter S. Thompson, and then the next day I found out that he killed himself.

There are several more that I can't think of right now. I believe things like this happen alot, but people just think them coincidences. A couple of my friends have had these things happen to them after I've talked about it.

My friend asks me why I don't believe in GOD, but I do believe that something COSMIC is making these things happen?

The truth of the matter is that I don't know what makes it happen. I do know that there's no real divine intervention going on, because there is never a reason for it.

WHY did I think of the movie Conspiracy Theory and then see it on T.V.?

If coincidences happen for a reason, then what are the reasons for these?

You may all think that I'm nuts, but then again what's new.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Life is but a dream

I had a dream today. I sleep during the day because I work at night. Anyway, the dream was very strange. I was in a room and Laurence Fishburne was handcuffed to a chair. I was looking really close at the handcuffs trying to figure out how to get them off. I asked him if he knew where any bolt cutters were. As I asked that, he slipped out of the cuffs and then put them on me. I was then cuffed to the chair. Ethan Hawke came in and made a snide comment, and I couldn't figure out what was going on. I thought that they were on my side. Fishburne was laughing at me, and they left. That is when I woke up.

I realize that most of the time you will dream about things that you talked about, or thought about during the day.

Earlier in the week, I had cut 6 locks with a bolt cutter.

My friend was talking a couple of days ago about how Ethan Hawke was a bad man and left his wife, actress Uma Thurman.

On the way home, on the morning of the dream, Howard Stern was talking about John Wayne Gacy and how he would handcuff his victims and kill them.

Before I went to bed, I had looked at my Assault on Precinct 13 slip cover and was thinking about how I had lent that to my cousin.

When you are entering REM sleep, your body is filing all of your thoughts away in their file cabinets and thats the things that you usually dream about. Although, some of my thoughts were a week old. I wonder if my download time is slowed because I'm 33. I mean if I were a 33 year old computer, I wouldn't be to good.

Just a weird dream that I thought I'd share.

"So long as there are men there will be wars."-----Albert Einstein

I respect any man who fights for our country, but especially the World War II veterans. Soldiers have to do what they are told. Next time you wake up and don't want to go to work, just think of the men who landed on the beaches in 1944. They had no choice, they had to "take" the beach. You have a choice about work.

Our country is what it is because of the soldiers that fight for it. If I were wearing a hat, it would be off to them.

Soldiers are scattered all through the world, in places that we don't know about. They are fighting for our freedom, and against the tyranny of evil men. They are dying every day. We need to acknowledge this.

Be thankful that you are alive today, and that you don't have to "take" a beach from some Nazi's who are a mile away.

Sorry for the more serious blogs. I'll get crazy next time.

Creativity is the cornerstone of life.

We all come from the primordial ooze and evolve. Are we created by GOD? I don't think so. We are created, but not by a creator.


Boom, here we are. Slowly we evolved into what we are today, consumers. Adam Corolla said the other night on Love Line, that in our time when we were growing up, we didn't have as much as they do today. No PS2, no DVD palyers, and no cable TV to warp our minds. It was our imaginations that kept us entertained.

I find that my friend will often say to me, "Where do you come up with this shit?" I just let my mind flow and tell a story that is funny or interesting. Sometimes my stories may be too twisted, but they are original and they come from my imagination.

I am an only child and the only thing I had to play with while growing up was my mind. I had an imaginary friend, other voices that I would use when playing with toys, or complete scenerios for my action figures to act out. It was a great time.

I enjoy blogging because it is creative and I can write about whatever I want. My friend Serjio went online, read my blog, and then started his own. For creative people this is a great medium.
Sometimes I rack my brain trying to figure out what to write about, and then it will or won't come to me.

The youth of today are being poisoned by television and video games. Parents put there kids in front of the TV to watch mindless shows that have nothing to teach. They will let there kids play video games and never even know what they are playing.

Creativity may be dying. Although, somebody is creating the video games, television shows, and movies that we watch today. Let's just hope that we don't become dumbed down as a society.

Here's a little thing for those of you reading this. Let's use our creativity today. I am going to write a couple sentences and you will comment with the rest of the story.

A little interactive fun, if you will.

Four years ago Bob had escaped from prison. He was still on the run, but had an opportunity to make a large amount of money. Sarah, his girlfriend of the past month had talked him into pulling a heist. Now, as he sat in front of the open safe, he was confronted by the realization that..........


Nothing is too weird or to normal.

I'll give you an example in case you think that I am excluding myself, and in the hopes that it doesn't seem like homework.

...............he had never seen Sarah naked. Several things were starting to add up. SHE WAS A MAN.

Please participate. Thank you.

Monday, June 20, 2005

"Hell of a thing killin' a man."-----William Munny

Today the "angels" came and gave me an envelope that was addressed to Mr. Duke II, my former identity. They believed that it was important for me to read. It was from Patricia Voncer, Ronnie Voncer's mother. I opened it and here's what it said.......

Mr. Duke II,
We are still reeling from the loss of Ronnie. They say that time heals all wounds. That's not true. I feel the same as I did the first time I heard he was dead. I don't know why you're not in prison for what you've done. I am writing this in hopes that it will make me a better person. The only thing that I want to know is why did you do it? What did he do to you? He was only 16 years old. I am hoping that you respond to this letter, if not may the devil have mercy on your soul.

Patricia Voncer

I am not going to respond with a letter, but I will respond here.

Patricia Voncer and whoever else this may concern,

It was sunny day in May of 2003, and I felt like a drive. Several other times I had gone to Sedona for the day, had lunch, and gone home. Usually I would go with a friend. This time, I would go alone.

I always love the little shops along the main drive, they have great stuff at affordable prices. I had finished shopping and was finishing my lunch when this teenager approached me. He introduced himself and asked if he could sit down. I was thinking that he was selling something that I didn't want, but I let him talk anyway.

He informed me that he was only 16 and originally from Lithonia, GA. He had left school and home to travel the country and experience life. I told him that I had always wanted to do that, but I was too scared.

He told me how great it was, and all the nice people he had met. I told him that I didn't mean to be a buzz kill, but I was curious as to why he was talking to me. He said that he was wondering if he could hitch a ride. I said that I was only going back to Phoenix.

"I've never been there." he said.

I paid for my meal and we headed to my car.

Suddenly, from behind a building, came another teenager. In his hand he held a Bowie knife. I gave my hitchiker an angry look. "Why did you betray me?" I asked him.

Before he could answer, he was punched in the throat by the man with the knife. He went down faster than Brigitte.

The knife weilding teenager approached me in a threatening manner. He said, "Give me your money, and your car keys."

"Dude, I've already had a car stolen." I said.

"You've had 2 cars stolen, give me your fuckin' keys!" he yelled.

I just stared at him.

He slashed at my arm with the knife, cutting me deep.

I jumped back and stared at him in astonishment.

"Don't make me fuckin' kill you." he threatened.

This is when everything slowed down. I started to think about how I had almost died when being held up at gunpoint. That man's partner had said, "Kill this motherfucker." I waited and stared in the gunman's eyes, and then after a pause, they took off across the parking lot. I had always wished that I could relive that moment, and change it somehow.

Back to Sedona

I attempted a roundhouse kick, but inadvertantly made him stab himself in the neck.The blood started gushing down the front of his chest, and then he collapsed in front of me. DEAD!

I looked around and the hitchiker was gone. I threw my coat over the dead teenager's wound, put him in my car, and headed for Phoenix. As soon as I was sure that nobody was around, I disposed of the body. I cut it up into pieces, and burned any identity the boy had. That's when I found out that his name was Ronnie Voncer.

As for you Patricia, your son was an evil boy. He would have killed me for my car, and I have no doubt about that. He was a criminal and got everything he deserved.

As for the question about why I'm not in prison. I did this country a great service by ridding it of your son.

I will not be burning in hell, but your son definately will.

For those who have loved, lost, or are in love. This is for you.

Love is like a Teddy Bear full of Anthrax. It looks cute and you want to give it a squeeze, but it will KILL YOU. Everything that I hear about it sounds painful.

Of course the movies make it glorious and sugar coated. The truth is that after you've been in love and lost it, you want to DIE. The best love story ever, is Romeo and Juliet. Love and Death, that should say it right there.

There is a ying and yang in life. People put sugar on their grapefruit, and jelly on their toast. It makes the sour or bland things in life tolerable. Love is like sugar, and without it, my coffee would taste like shit.

I would never not want love to exist. Without pleasure there is no pain. Without right there is no wrong. Without light there is no darkness. That doesn't mean that without the good there is no bad. It means without the good things in life, there is only stagnicity.

"It's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." This says it all.

There could be pain in anything that you do. Cross the street to smell a flower, and get hit by a bus. Drive the same route to work every day, and sooner or later you'll get in a wreck. It's the law of averages. Date someone or marry them, and there's a possibility that they may break your heart or die. SHIT HAPPENS!

I've been a spectator in the game of love more than once, and I've seen what it can do. I've seen the good and the bad. The hope and the heartache. Looks painful, but sounds like a hell of a good time.

"Just one year of love, is better than a lifetime alone."-----Queen

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Living life under an assumed name.

When offending someone easily, you never know what they might do. Perhaps blow up my house or KILL MY CAT? I have no idea what these people are capable of. I was in fear for my life. I had signed on with them about 3 to 4 months ago. I thought that they were nice, funny, caring people. I WAS WRONG.

Writing on my blog, I accidentally/on purpose offended them. They were upset and tried to erase me from their existence. I countered that with erasing myself, and going into hiding.

I am deep in the dark corners of cyberspace, where nobody can find me. If I want to let my whereabouts known, I will surely tell someone. I doubt it though. These easily offended people will never know where I've gone. This life of mine is a dangerous one. Always looking over my shoulder, never knowing if I'm going to be google stalked. It is a fear that runs deep, and I am truly afraid.

These angels came to my house when they knew that I was having a hard time with the easily offended. They said that they could take me out of this world that I lived in and move me to some other town, under some other name. I asked, "What saviors would do that for little old me?"


I dropped to my knees and thanked them profoundly. They said that there was no time, we had to move now. The helicopter was waiting. I boarded the chopper and we headed to.................. I can't really tell you, but I can tell you that my new name is John W. That's all that they will allow. I can write my blogs but not give away any secrets.

The part that I like, is that I can be as offensive as I want.

I love my new life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

"You offend me greatly sir. This calls for a duel."-----Some english ancestors of ours


Slurp my butt juice.

I can't believe that a friend of mine would be offended by something that I write. So she wanted me to answer the questions truthfully? Anything I wrote would have been boring and sad. I like to make people laugh and that's why I am who I am. If the few people that read my post don't understand that that's me, then I guess they aren't as close as we think. You want to know about me, fine.

Here goes...........................

1. I like to dance in my apartment by myself to Stevie Wonder.

2. I used to have dog named Timber, he ran away when I was 3 because I couldn't hold on to him tight enough. I was 3, and he was a Malamute. A strong dog. I have the guilt still TODAY, maybe tomorrow will be better. Then again I say that every day.

3. My name was almost Eli.

4. I've accepted Jesus Christ as my lord and savior twice in my life.

5. I didn't know what I was doing when I did.

6. My father offered me a line of crystal once.

7. I tried to join the Army, Navy, and Air Force, but wasn't accepted.

8. I work, watch movies/television, sleep, and go to work. (Pretty FUNNY, Huh?)

9. A guy at work gave me a kitten once with big loving eyes. I took him to my apartment and trained him to use the litter box. One day as I was getting ready to take a bath, I brought him in with me. The water was just right. As I was reaching under the sink for some soap before I took a bath, I noticed a plastic bag from circle K. I grabbed the soap and the bag, and kneeled down by the bath tub. I gave my little kitten a kiss on the head. I called him, Stripe. At that moment I realized that I had never felt LOSS. I put the bar of soap next to the bath tub, and the kitten under the water. I held him tight, boy did he scratch the shit out of me. Finally he stopped moving. He was dead, poor Stripe. I tried to cry, but I couldn't. I thought that loss made you cry, but not me. I put the rest of my clothes on, and put Stripe's body in the plastic bag. As I was leaving the apartment to dispose of the body, I couldn't find the keys to the car. Suddenly it hit me. I had felt loss, this was not the first time that I had lost my keys. I didn't have to drown Stripe, to feel that. Imagine how foolish I felt. R.I.P. STRIPE

10. I like to make people laugh.

Have a good day, BITCHES!

"We all go a little mad sometime."-----Norman Bates

Sunday, June 12, 2005

About me

1. Tell me something obvious about you.
I wear glasses.

2. Tell me something about you that many don't know.
I don't need the glasses.

3. What is your biggest fear?
Being anal raped by a 400 pound Simoan.

4. Do you normally go the safe route or take the short cut?
Safe route.

5. Name one thing you want that you can't buy with money.
A happy marriage/relationship.

6. What is your most treasured possession?
Don't really have one.

7. What is the one thing you hate most about yourself that you do often?
Tell pointless stories.

8. Tell me something sexually about you that I don't know.
I fucked your mother.

9. Tell me something sexually about you that everyone knows.
Your mother's a whore and I fucked her.

10. What is your favorite lie to tell?
Your mom's not a whore.

11. Name something you've done once that you can't wait to do again.
Make your sister suck my cock after I fuck your mother in the ass.

12. Are you the jealous type?
No but your sister is, she wanted to be fucked in the ass.

13. What is the one person, place or thing you can't say no to?
Your sister, in her ass, with my dick.

14. What is the nicest thing someone has ever done for you?
Swallowed my hot load.

15. If you could do something crazy right now, what would it be?
Violate your grandmother.

16. When was the last time you cried?
Just then when I wrote, "Violate your grandmother."

17. When was the last time you felt so good that nothing else mattered?
When I was a fetus.

18. Do you feel comfortable in public with no shirt on?

19. Name something embarrassing you did while being drunk.
Alright, so I already violated your grandmother.

20. If you post this in your journal would you like me to answer it?
I don't give a fuck.

King of the Franks

That is my ancestor, Charles the Great.

45th Generation.

Also known as Charlamagne. I have royal blood flowing through my veins. How cool is that? I think pretty damn cool, but most of you will not. What do I care what you think?

You are just peasants.

That is relations on my dad's side, who knows what my mom's side has for me. Just thought I'd write something light. Not so heavy or whatever.

For those of you smart asses out there.........

My ancestor is NOT the one HOLDING the crown.

GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


That's me, Lazy.

Write a couple scripts, but don't send them in.

You could apply at the television station that your friends work at, but don't go pick up an application.

Why do I not do the things I should and always do the things I shouldn't. It's so much easier to do nothing, then to get off my ass and do SOMETHING. I think, "Hey, I'm going to order that guitar off of the television and learn to play it." When it comes, I play it once and put it away. TOO DIFFICULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Where would this world be if Jimmy Hendrix, The Lumiere brothers, Thomas Edison, Rosa Parks, William Shakespeare, the Wright brothers, and MANY others said that it was too difficult? We wouldn't have the beautiful things that they created that's where. Not that I am a genius by any means. Who knows though? I could be great. Then again there's hidden potential in all of us. It's just doing something with it that makes it life changing or not.

Seize the day.

Grab the bull by the horns.

Live everyday as if it's your last.

Words to live by, but we don't. We are too busy worrying about whether our TV show got recorded or if the traffic is going to be bad on the way home. We don't focus on what is in front of us. Bruce Lee once said, "It's like a finger pointing to the moon. Don't focus on the finger, or you miss all the heavenly glory." Take in everything.

I know that this post if all over the place. We don't take time to enjoy, or do the things we should. We are too busy coping with society. We are routine and formulaic. We get in our cars, drive to work, walk into the building, do our job, get back in the car, and drive home, without really seeing anything or doing anything different.

One day I took a wrong turn on the way home. I drove around and around in some residential area. I loved it, all my life of living here, I had never been there. I was annoyed at first, but then I enjoyed it. It's funny because I'll talk about all the stuff that is wrong with society, but then I'll go back to living right in the middle of it. I just wanted to vent.

I am angry with myself, and my behavior on certain things. I don't send in my scripts because I have only had 3 people read 2 of my scripts that I've written. They said that they are good, but not everyone that I would like, wants to read my scripts. I'm sure that it is a thing that writers and any creative person has. Not knowing if your stuff is any good. We are our worst critics.

I've said it once and I'll say it again. I am going to try to change. Yes, I know that Yoda said, "DO OR DO NOT, THERE IS NO TRY." I will print up my scripts and rewrite what needs to be rewritten. I will not be sucked into the materialistic world. I will read more, and learn more. I will eat healthier. I will drink more water. I will have quiet time to myself, with no TV, DVD, or music. I will be thankful for the things I have and retrospectful of the things that I've lost.

I used to complain about my shoes, until I met a guy with no feet.

Have a lovely day everybody!

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

"You've fooled them, haven't you Michael? Well, you haven't fooled me."-----Dr. Sam Loomis

The year was 1978. That is when my oldest friend and I met. It was second grade and I remember the shirt that he was wearing, and the jokes that he told to Vicki Bush. I remember how he would make a friend of ours laugh at lunch so much that milk would come out of his nose. Poor guy, we would give him our milks so that we could then make him laugh and watch the milk spill onto his tray.

I want THE WORLD to know that I do hold my oldest friend close to my heart. He said that he doesn't remember when our conversations started centering around movies. It was 20 years after we met, that that started happening. The funny thing is that we can't remember the things that we used to talk about.

Occasionally we talk about other stuff, but not that much. I'm thinking it's maybe because he's married and I am not, and he feels that I can not identify. All I do know is that we don't open up to each other as much as maybe we should. I'm sure that we will try. I think that we maybe believe now that we have to talk about movies to keep the conversation going. Then again, it could just be that nobody else likes movies that much, or knows the names that we know. Therefore, we talk about it to each other.

It's been 27 years since I met my friend in second grade. We were just turning 7. I think that our friendship should be deepened. I have always thought this, but it is sometimes hard when you can't hang out as much as you would like.

To my friend, I love you and will always love you (Not in a BRAVO channel kind of queer way).

To ALL the others, this doesn't mean that I love you any less.

"Waiting for your sex?"-----Miles Russell

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

"Mrs. Robinson, I think that you are trying to seduce me."-----Benjamin Braddock

Here's to you Mrs. Robinson.

Rest in Peace.

If you haven't seen this movie you definitely should.

"Do bees, bee? Do bears, bear?"-----David Addison

This show is part of who I am. I know that you may think that I have delusions of grandeur, but I believe in some small part that I owe my smart-ass, quick wit, and quirky sense of humor to this show. David Addison was the coolest, and I wanted to be him. I would go to school on Wednesday morning after the show and emulate him. In my mind, I was him. In the real world, I was still a nerdy kid.

I bought Season 1 & 2 on DVD recently, and oh the memories that it brought back. I've only watched 2 episodes so far, but it is bringing back so much.

Was I already a smart-ass, quick witted, funny guy, or did the show unlock something in me. WHO MADE WHO? All I know is that I love it and will always love it.

Monday, June 06, 2005

My girl, my girl, my girl. Talking about, my giiiiiiiiirl, my girl."-----The Temptations

This is for my friend/cousin Brigitte. I LOVE YOU. I also know that other friends of yours in AZ love you. For some reason you have this feeling that I don't love you as much as I used to, or that I love other friends more than you. WRONG!

The truth of the matter is, I love you the same as I always have. People change, that's a given. Water's wet, the sky's blue, and people change. It's a fact of life. Like that time when Tooty and Blair..... I digress. Just because you've had 2 children and believe in the 2012 calendar, other dimensions, or that cockroaches are Gods. It doesn't matter what you believe, or if I believe the same. The fact is I LOVE YOU the same as I always have. It will never diminish and it will never falter.

Side by side, that's us. I understand that you are learning these new things and want to share your knowledge with others. I may be a little more interested than others, but not enough to make it dominate the conversation. You may be saying, "But you don't understand." Oh, but I do.

I write blogs about "Grand Hotel", "Alien 3" and "The Last Boyscout". Now stay with me and focus, because I know that you are thinking about "The Last Boyscout". When I write about
movies, I'm hoping that people will see what I see in them. Ususally they don't , and I may bore people with my passion/obsession. Although, I know that some of my friends may not care at all, so I talk or write about other stuff. If I can't get my teachings across, which I usually can't, then so be it. I put it out there at least.

Now as for your blog that we the discussed the other night, it would be so much better if you didn't "cut and paste" your stuff. I write from my heart, as I know that that's what you want to get across, but maybe link it instead. Then again it is YOUR blog, so you don't have to listen to me.

I think that Kris is right, we are here in AZ together and you are in New Orleans by yourself. You go through these moods and this isn't the first time that you've brought this up. It's not your fault, we miss you and love you. You are as much a freak as you've always been, which is not a bad thing. You are you. Be who you are. Know this, Kris and I love you, you may not believe it, but that's the truth.

"All for one, and one for all!"-----Three Musketeers

Sunday, June 05, 2005

I hate everything about you.

I've already said that I hate Adrian Zmed and tomatoes......

Other things I hate are as follows......

Fish - they can breath underwater, this is why I love to eat salmon - REVENGE.
Butterscotch - tastes awful to me, do I need a reason?
"The View" - a bunch of cackling, phony bitches on ABC, I wish they would all DIE.
Phony people - be honest with me, don't waste my fucking time.
Dumb people - drivers, co-workers, and any idiot out there that can't figure out what's an entrance and what's an exit.
Bad spellers - a pet peeve of mine. why can't you spell vehical? (DUH)
Onions - they give me heartburn and they taste awful.
"Dark side of the sun" - a love/hate relationship, if you don't know this movie, look it up.
Save asses - Don't sell me up the river for something you did.

When I wake up and my penis has fallen out of my underwear.

When people don't comment on my blog. I took the time to write it, you took the time to read it, now just comment already FUCKER!!!!!!!!

"You've been in my life so long, I can't remember anything else."-----Ripley

DECEASED - Hicks, Newt and Bishop

Although Bishop was never really alive unless you believe in the ghost in the machine. The opening scene for Alien 3 rubbed some people the wrong way. Characters you cared about in Aliens were now DEAD.

The point of my blog though is this, Alien 3 theatrical cut SUCKED! The special edition that came out a year ago ROCKS! There is so much added that it is a totally diferent movie. On top of that there are things that are deleted. This is the highest selling point for me, because the scene they cut out was the scene I hated the most. It's almost worse than Guido shooting first......YUCK! The scene that I am referring to is the one where the chest burster busts out of Ripleys chest as she is falling into a vat of extremely hot liquid. Not wanting it to survive, she holds onto it, and it is consumed with fire along with her. You may think that that sounds fine, but you probably haven't seen the special cut of the film. She falls and lands in the hot liquid, kills the alien that is growing INSIDE of her. Maybe not as dramatic, but when you see it you'll understand. It is now a way better movie.

"Ripley! Think of all that we can learn from it! It's the chance of a lifetime, you must let me have it!"-----Bishop II

Friday, June 03, 2005

"This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time."-----Tyler Durden

I was looking for a quote that defined what I was feeling right now at this minute. I found this one and many more. I believe that there is alot of time wasted doing nothing. The reason that I started this particular post was because I just WASTED 3 plus hours looking up SHIT on the internet. Movie memorabilia, movies, DVD release dates, it's all a bunch of crap. I can't believe the time people waste. I'm NO saint by any means, I am as guilty as the next guy. The thing that sucks is that I'll totally feel the way I feel right now, but then I'll go home and waste time watching TV or a movie. My father asks me sometimes, "Why do you buy movies? It's a waste of two hours, you've already seen the movie." That is so true, yet I continue to do it.

People are concerned with who is sleeping with whom in hollywood, or what happened on the latest reality show. WHO CARES? The answer is everybody. Thinking about the movie FIGHT CLUB, I found some beautiful quotes that I would like to share.

"Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off."-----Tyler Durden

How fucking true is that. Nobody knows why we're here. Another quote that I actually remember from Fight Club is, "Our fathers are the models for GOD, and without our fathers where are we." This explains to me why I don't believe in the whole Christian way of life. I always hate that these people let the bible dictate their behavior. You shouldn't smoke, have premarital sex, be in a "same sex" relationship, and if you don't go to church you are a bad person. Fuck that and the bible you rode in on. I am here for a short time. I have no guide in life except myself. I was born alone and I will die alone. That's the way of the world.

"Buy" the new Infinity/Chevy/Ford/Lexus, because Tiger Woods is in the commercial driving one. If he's driving one, and he's good at golf then maybe I can drive one and I'll be like him. Or he's famous and he drives one therefore if I drive one my social class will be raised. BULLSHIT! It may be sad and hopeless, but the only thing we can do is wait to die. The only certainty in the world is DEATH and TAXES, we all know that.

Now you're saying, "Then if we are just waiting to die, then why can't I do whatever I want? Waste as much time as I want?" This is true you can do that, but it should upset you that you are watching E. Entertainment and wondering who Lyndsey Lohan is dating now, and not doing something creative or fun. Now, you will also say, "Well I find watching that shit fun and it helps me cope with my life a little better when I see that famous people are having the same problems that I am." That is fine but Depeche Mode said it best when they said, "People are people........" Celebrities, Queens, Rock Stars, and Bill Gates all have to sit on a toilet and take a dump now and then. Although, Bill Gates may have the toilet, gently take the shit out of him while he stands and reads the paper. He's does have the money, and the group of men that think shit up for him. Haha I said think shit up. More like out. CHILDISH.

The funny and ironic thing of this whole thing, is that as you read this you'll realize that you may have done some things that are a waste of time. You may try to change, hell I would like to change. The fact of the matter is this, you will surf around on the computer for hours and I will probably go home and watch a movie or tv. It's the way that society is.

Now you may say that you get online, and you broaden your mind with all of the shit that you learn. The internet is a wonderful thing and I wish that I had it when I was a young lad. When you are looking up shit for the entire day, and you've learned so much different shit that none of it fits together, then you need to sit and think about what you want your belief structure to be. Now I know that the people reading this know who is who and what I am talking about, and some may think that I don't understand them. I know that I don't believe in a GOD, but I do have a belief. It is more of a buddhist way of thinking and living. Some of you may say, "Well how can you be so buddhist like, if you killed a bug or two in your life?" The answer to that would be that I'm not a PRACTICING buddhist. That may be an easy way out, but so be it.

As for me, because you are all saying well why doesn't he pick on himself. He picked on us. Here it is. I own 380 movies, 8 seasons of televison shows, and I record movies and television shows constantly. I WASTE soooooooooooooo much time, but what else is there to do? The answer is, that I could get off my ass and learn to play guitar, write a script, and read the four books that I have sitting around. Also, I will find myself glued to the television to hear about Jack Nicholson's True Hollywood Story. An hour I wasted on that. For what, did I learn anything new? Nope, not so much.

Now for those of you on the internet finding your belief system. I am writing this telling everyone that I've wasted time on the internet tonight, and in life all the time. Well will my life change? Am I going to go hike to the top of a mountain, read a book, hike back down, write a script of my hiking adventure, and then score it on my guitar. HELL NO! Like always, I am a procrastinator. I will mentally think of this shit that I need to do and change in my life, but tomorrow I'll sleep all day after watching movies tonight.

Where is the line drawn. I ask myself that all the time. I collect movies to have a collection, but am I really going to watch them over and over again? If I don't get off my ass and follow my dream then what use is it to teach myself about the different aspects of movie making? I give myself these motivational speeches, but nothing ever comes of it. I need to write, follow through, and get off my ass. I should get cable taken off, get a better desk for writing, and actually finish a final draft of a script. That would be nice, and it's easy for me to say, but maybe I'm scared like my friend tells me. Who knows.

What I do know is that I can try to change, and maybe I will. Baby steps. If AA taught me anything it's that the first step to recovery, is knowing that you have a problem. In case you're wondering, I was never in AA. They wouldn't let me drink at the meetings. Well now that I've wasted more time on the internet and in life, I will leave you with this...............................

Why does cottage cheese and sour cream have an expiration date on it? It's already bad milk.

"The things you own, end up owning you."-----Tyler Durden

"Grand Hotel... always the same. People come, people go. Nothing ever happens."-----Dr. Otternschlag

The movie was Grand Hotel from 1932, and the first time I had ever seen it was about a year ago on cable. The man on the left is John Barrymore, Drew's Grandfather. As I was watching this movie, I thought WOW that woman sure is gorgeous. I had wondered if she had ever done anything else after this movie. Turns out she did, she was very famous. The woman is JOAN CRAWFORD, and I was in love.

I couldn't believe that the woman that I had heard about, only from another movie, MOMMIE DEAREST, was this beautiful. Me being me, the first thing about her that I noticed besides her eyes, was the fact that she didn't wear a bra. I loved that. Always have and always will love braless women. Unless they're old, too big, or FAKE. Anyway, I digress, this woman was funny, sexy, and classic hollywood. I was mesmerized. More to the fact that I had only seen the movie that Faye Dunaway had done, from the book that Christine Crawford had written. Maybe it was true and maybe it wasn't, but all I knew was that I was hooked on Joan Crawford.

I have watched several of her movies since the day that I stumbled onto this one, and she is always good. Recently, I was able to take a friend of mine to a showing of THE WOMEN at an outside amphitheater. When she appeared on the screen, the crowd literaly gasped. It was great. I then knew that I wasn't the only one who was in love with Joan Crawford.

Back to Grand Hotel, it's interesting to think of the Barrymore legacy. Lionel Barrymore, Drew's Great Uncle was in the movie as well. Drew Barrymore is from a true acting family. Her dad, John Barrymore Jr., had even done a movie or two before he went into seclusion. Unfortunately, he died earlier this year. The legacy lives on with Drew Barrymore.

Me being a writer, I would love to remake this movie with Drew Barrymore, but that is a huge undertaking in itself. I have the phone numbers, but where do I start? Just wanted to share. Some of you may think I'm a NUT, but that's nothing new. If you haven't seen this movie, I highly recommend it. They don't make them like they used to. Classic stars, and classic hollywood. I love it.

None of us common folks will ever know what the real Joan Crawford was like. Believe what you want, but I would like to think that she was a nice person. Then again I could be wrong.

"No wire hangers, EVER!"-----Joan Crawford (as played by Faye Dunaway)

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

"I'm Luke Skywalker, I'm here to rescue you."-----Luke Skywalker

Forget Indy and Marion, Danny and Sandy, it's all Luke and Leia. That's what K and I are. We are like brother and sister who didn't know that eachother existed until we met. I know, you're saying well I didn't know that you existed until I met YOU. Right, but I mean that we were both floating out there, only children, with no siblings. Then one day we meet at the drive in movie theater where we worked. She dated my best friend at the time, but when they broke up 4 years later, I was hoping that she would be interested in ME. She was not, and it was an unrequoited love that was the best and worst thing that ever happened to me. After awhile I realized that I needed to tell her how I felt, knowing that nothing would come from it, but getting it off my chest anyway.
That was the hardest thing that I have ever done and I was hoping that it wouldn't ruin our friendship. I had realized that our friendship was the most important, and the best friendship that I had ever had, or will EVER have.
Now here it is 16 years after we met, and we are still growing strong.

Luke rescued Leia from the Death Star, and later Leia had rescued Luke from the bottom of Cloud City. K and I have saved eachother from being only children. Granted I don't get to wear the cool Stormtrooper outfit, but I've got her. Like Luke, I was once in love with my sister, but now we are FAMILY.
From what I hear about siblings, you get in arguments alot, or hate their guts most of the time. That doesn't happen with us as much. We do get annoyed by eachother once in awhile, but not as much as siblings that I know about.
I will always be here for her, and she knows it. I love her and will never stop loving her.

"No, there is another."-----Yoda