Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Nothing to do, and the time is ticking away

My friend Mrs. H. has took the incentive to look for me a date online. I have no problem with that. I obviously am too lazy to do anything about my own dating situation. That means that it's nonexistent. I would like to hang out with a nice woman and watch a movie, go out to eat, have a nice conversation with, or just kiss and snuggle.

Although the weird thing for me is that I am so used to doing what I want, when I want, that I would maybe not like that all of a sudden I have another person around wanting to do other things. I know that Mrs. H. will say that I am borrowing trouble. That may be, but I am just stating a fact. I have been single for a llllllllllllllllllloooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggg time now, and it will be different. I am ready for it though. I also know that I need to do something. I definatley don't want to die alone. That would suck. I am content with being alone, but then again maybe that's because I don't know anything else.

I need to change my life, and I don't do it. I have no idea why not. Not just the dating thing, but my life in general. I need to get a new job, send in my scripts, get a girlfriend, and follow my dream. I need to climb my way out of this fucking rut that is my life. The thing is I don't need a helping hand to pull me out of the rut. I need to just climb out of it on my own. I fell in it, and I can get out of it. I know that I write all these brave words and then I do nothing about it. My laziness is my downfall. For instance, I wanted to get my car legal last week, but I didn't because it wasn't fun to do on my day off. Now I need to go do it or I'll get pulled over.

I bitch and bitch and bitch and do NOTHING. I even sit there and tell myself, "You need to really work on rewriting that script?" Then I say, "Well I'll watch this history channel, sitcom, movie crap, and write later." I never do. I am writing useless words. It all means SHIT. I can't figure out if I am lazy with the scripts, or if I am worried that nobody will like my writing and then my dreams will be shattered. What do I do if my writing is no good? I would love to direct, but what if I don't even have that talent?

I worry about work, and don't write. I would rather be with my friends on my days off, and not write. Then when should I write? I am writing now, but not a script. I will go home and I may start to work on a rewrite, but I may not. I do have to get up earlier tomorrow and get my car legal. The job that I have now is almost perfect for writing, but I am supervisor and that sucks. Although, the rest of my job is easy as fuck. I don't know I am talking in a circle and am going nowhere.

Mrs. H. and DivaPrincess wanted me to write and I did. It sucks though, because it didn't make anyone laugh. I'm sorry, I'll write a funny one tomorrow.

Maybe I'm just in funk. I do notice that I have been more irritable lately, after I became supervisor.

"I have a girlfriend. You don't know her, she lives in Canada."-----Breakfast Club

1 comment:

Mrs. H said...

True that. You are definitely more irritable.