Friday, September 30, 2005

Ficticious Facts and shit...........

Rod Stewart had a liter of cum pumped out of his stomach.

Richard Gere had a gerbil stuck up his ass.

You can see a ghost of a boy in Three Men and a Baby.

In, The Wizard of Oz, you can see a man hanging by a noose.

Danny Bonaduce trained Arnold Schwarzenegger how to fight with a sword in Conan the Barbarian.


Some people talk shit just to fit in. They want to be hip and in the now. So they make up stories or Urban Legends. For some reason, if it's a believable enough story, it may catch on with the gossipers and fly into myth. 4 of those stories are semi-believable, and one of them isn't.

I wonder which one isn't?


Danny Bonaduce would have been 23 years old.

Kiyoshi Yamasaki was the Swordmaster who trained all the actors in the film.

Need I say more? That pretty much puts it to rest. For those who may have heard this story or maybe even thought it up. I'm sorry to bust your bubbles. I had nothing else to do.

Don't mess with the MOVIEMAN!

I had a very nice time last night. We laughed like we hadn't laughed before. Good times. I wanna rock with you, that was the name of the song that I wanted you to sing. Some of you may think that I'm queer for writing things to M.J. I can assure you that I'm not. If you don't believe me, I'll fuck you in the hiney hole. That'll show I'm straight. Right? Right?

I had lots of fun with you too Mrs. H. It was a blast. A good memory to cherish.

One other thing Mrs. H...............

We should name them.
Mine will be, Hamol.
Yours will be, Famol.

I know I'm STUPID!

For those who don't know what I'm talking about, all I can say is......
Sucks to be you.
Jealous much?

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Phoenix to Phoenix

"I'm gonna walk the earth."
"Whatch you mean, you gonna walk the earth?"
"Walk the earth. You know, like Kane in Kung Fu."
"You're gonna be a bum?"
"No. I'm gonna meet people, get in adventures."
"A bum. Without a job, and legal tender, you aint nothing but a fucking bum."

12,619.2 miles; 27days, 5 hours, 43 minutes. That's what the trip planner on the computer said, and that's just the driving. I will be checking the sites and kicking back in Key West and other places for awhile. I can't wait. I am so excited. I wish I had the money right now. I'm planning 3 or 4 months, and that's just taking my time. I will be putting the United States map up on my wall. I will be doing lots of research on exactly where I want to go. I have heard of several different places in my life, the trick is remembering the names of the places. Although part of my trip will just be improvised. If I feel like going to Fort Sumner, New Mexico, I will.

I am starting to save money today. I will be selling things of mine to finance the trip. Like sperm, blood, one of my kidneys. Kidding! DVDs, DVDs, and maybe whatever I can get for my couch. My aunt said that I could use her video camera, so that's nice. Serjio said that I should have a party about 2 weeks before I leave, and people can bring things for my trip. He said that he would have no problem giving me a bunch of tapes for the camera, and whatever else. After I got off the phone, I started thinking that it would be like a relief benefit. You would all be relieved to get rid of me, and I you. You may be saying, "Hey Phil, you haven't even saved dime one. Shouldn't you wait until you have a couple thousand dollars before you start putting on the sunblock?" No, that's what happened before. I said that I was going to go on a U.S. Tour and then I didn't. Now I am in it for the long haul.

I am jazzed. Although, you guys thought it was annoying hanging out with me for a night. Well I'll be stuck with myself for 3 to 4 months. Boring, fun, interesting, and a hell of a good time.

I'm thinking April, but it actually depends on how much money I think I need. The trip planner said 900 and something dollars for the gas. It depends on the car and the gas prices. Plus for me there's the question of what I'm going to spend on touristy things. Disney World, Catalina Island, the Bahamas, Key West, New York, Washington D.C., anyway you get the idea.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Some great and interesting things

Flickering images on any size screen are what I love. Movies move you and transport you. They can pull at your heart strings or shock you. Of course you all know that I love movies, so this is no big suprise. The reason I am writing this is to talk about a certain movie in particular. The movie is Crash.

Now there was a movie called Crash that came out in the late 90's. This is the Crash that just came out on DVD. This movie is AWESOME. It's racism at it's extreme worst. You laugh at the racial comments and then wonder why you laughed. Does that make you like the person in the movie? We all may be racist in some form or another. We've all told jokes about race, but why do we laugh. It is not right to say that you are not racist and then turn around and tell a racist joke. This movie really brings all of that to the surface. It makes you think and feel. In a way you sit there and go that's right, but then in the same instance you wonder why you feel it's right. Words really don't do this movie justice, it has to be seen. Please, the couple of people that are reading this, rent the movie Crash.

The other thing that I want to talk about is my cross country trip that I had mentioned in a previous post. I am going forward with my plans to save money and go on this trip. There are some sacrifices that I will have to make but I think that I am ready for them. The sucky thing is that I still owe my dad 468 dollars, not to mention the 600 dollars to my friend Joe to pay off my car. Granted that's not much, but it cuts into my money. Also before I leave I still have to pay for my apartment, utilities, and car insurance. It sounds bad, but I think that if I cancel cable, my phone, my blockbuster and netflix passes, stop buying movies for myself and others, and stop going out to eat all the time, that I can save a bunch of money. On payday I am going to buy an atlas and a map of the United States. That is when I will start planning the trip. I am excited and I can't wait. It'll be tough saving the money, but I can do it.

The hardest thing to do will be canceling cable. I love my shows, good stories and adventures. Then again I am giving that up for my own stories and adventures. It is an exciting time, I am actually doing something with my life. That will make work a hell of alot better.

Here's to me.

Have a nice day and a terrific weekend.

I love you all.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Things to think about

The other day the owner of the company told me that there was a plan for me in the company. He said, "In 10 years you're not gonna be doing what you do now, you'll be driving around checking on the other workers and training whoever needs to be trained." At the time, I just nodded and said, "That it'd be nice."

10 minutes later I was in my car thinking about what the fuck he just said. 10 years from now I'll be 44. WHAT THE FUCK! Security is not my vocational choice. It just happens to work for my writing. I have time to work out my ideas. Some people, like the other supervisor Frank, are in this for the long haul. Fuck that. Although, I've said it before, that I don't do anything with my writing. So what good is it to just write stuff for my own benefit? Why do I not want to better myself? What is it that makes me do nothing? Am I that lazy that I will let life pass me by? Will I turn into my father? He's a 56 year old security guard that has his own son for a supervisor. How fucked up is that? I get all worked up and talk myself into a frenzy of creativity, and then I go home and do nothing but watch t.v. and movies. Once again I watch the movies to learn about technique, but I don't apply it to anything except the scripts that I write and read myself. It's a circle of my life that will never end until I do something about it. When will that be? Should I move and start a whole new life in California? Should I quit my job and scare myself into selling a script? There are plenty of people that send in their scripts and script ideas, but I'm going to sell my idea? Why is my script so much better than any other? Plus, if I like it then how do I know that anyone else will? They say write what you know. What if I write some real personal script that I don't want anyone to direct but myself? What if my scripts aren't even written in the exact proper format? I took a scriptwriting class in college, but I've also taught myself. What if I have no form, or voice? I think I do, but who knows. Again, I am my worst critic and I don't have any type of sounding board for my writing, only my ideas. Then again, excuses are like assholes, everyone has one. I need to create a movie of my own. Some little cheap learning experience. Then I will know if I should be a writer or director. I would like to do both, but all my friends tell me that I'm a better writer. Ironically they've never read all my stuff. My dream is to direct, but that is a difficult proffesion to get into. When is a dream unattainable? When do you give up on a dream? There are no real answers to any of these questions. Deep in my heart I know what needs to be done.

Sorry to bore you with my lifes drama. Another thing to think about is how our hands and minds work. I mean I think of something to type, and my hands type it. Just like that, weird.

Watched a thing on the travel channel today about Disney World. As I've said before in other posts, I hadn't been to Disneyland until I was 16. Now I am 34, and I want to go back to Disneyland, but I would love to go to Disney World. It is like a whole city. Epcot Center, Indiana Jones, Animal Kingdom, SPACE, and everything else was awesome. I need to definately go. Speaking of travelling, I have also been thinking of my cross country trip that I've always wanted to go on. For those who don't know about it, here it is. I want to take like 2 or 3 months to travel around the country. I would start in California, up the PCH to Washington, then over and down and zig zag all over the country. I would go to Detroit and across the bridge to Canada and then through Canada until New York. Then from New York down to Florida. From Florida a small flight to the Bahamas. After that I would go to Georgia and see an old plantation. Then I would go back to Arizona. I think it would be a blast and I would document the whole thing on video. The problem is saving the money. I love to buy people shit and make them happy. I need to really focus on this though. Serjio says that now is the perfect time for me, before I have a family. I need to really go do this.

Years ago I told myself that I didn't want to have regrets on my death bed. That's why I got a tatoo. I don't want to die and say that I never sent in a script, or travelled across country. Getting off my ass should be my top priority. I should do all these things. Although, I should say that I WILL do these things.

Sorry to bother you guys with my boring ass shit, but that's what's going on in my life. I think about this shit all the time.

One other thing that I think about is my idea for the Grand Hotel movie remake. I don't know how to go about trying to get a remake made. I don't have the rights, but I want Drew Barrymore in it. Do I get a hold of Drew Barrymore, or MGM. Do I write the script first, or talk to them about my idea. Who knows, and you guys don't care.

Well that's what's up and I am glad that I could waste your time. Not really. I started out writing something small and this is what I ended up with.

Thanks for letting me vent. There's more to me than just my made up stories.

I love you all.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Well that's my job

This is one of my coworkers at my job. I'm a security guard and usually don't have to deal with many trouble makers, but occasionally we do.

This old lady had just snorted a line of Crystal, and she wanted to go swimming. I informed her that the pool was closed and she freaked out on me. She started to spit at me and say vile things about my mother. I told her that I didn't want to have to call back up. She then called me a pussy and flipped me off. I called Brian and asked him to maybe speak with her. She asked him where the dick was that hangs out with two balls like us. As he was trying to calm her down he told me to take a picture of her so we had it for our files. I did. (See above.) As soon as I took the picture she went nuts and kicked Brian in the groin. I sprayed her with mace and kicked her a couple of times for good measure. This is what I deal with on a daily basis. At least I'm not in Iraq, or cleaning hotels.

For those of you who feel bad for the old lady, I just have one thing to say.

Fucking bitch knew the pool was closed.

Monday, September 19, 2005

Things that I miss

I was watching the Emmy's and they paid a tribute to Johnny Carson. He died this year. It was a great tribute and I miss The old Tonight Show. Jay Leno is a suckass phoney. Granted David Letterman and Conan Obrien are funny and cool, but nothing as good as Johnny Carson. I know some of you may not know or care about Johnny Carson, but I do. This is my blog after all. There was just something about watching Johnny at night before I went to bed. Occasionally I would bump my head on the wall as I went to lay down. I would then complain that I hit my head. I knew that the song says something something, went to bed, bumped his head, couldn't get up in the morning. I would say, "Mom my head hurts." She would say, "Well maybe you should stay up awhile and I'll monitor you." I was like cool, now I can watch Johnny Carson.

The other thing that I miss is Saturday morning cartoons. In this age of Cable television the Saturday morning cartoon has died. I used to wake up on a Saturday morning at 6:00 or 6:30 to watch Thundarr the Barbarian and The Smurfs. I would spend the night at my grandmas because I knew that nobody in my household would be up that early on a Saturday. Grandma would wake me up and I would sit there while it was still dark outside and watch my shows. Her and grandpa let me watch my cartoons until about 10:30 or 11:00 in the morning. Everyone else would sleep in on Saturdays. Hell it was the weekend. Why not? You can never get those feelings back. I can see it in my head and imagine how cool it was. Every once in awhile, I smell something that brings me back to a certain time in my life. Sometimes I just let the images flow back to me, but there are times that I can't place the smell. It would be nice to bottle those smells that bring you back to childhood. I know that you will all make jokes about the smells are coming from my ass, or that what I probably smell is a mildew infested trailer. So I beat you to it. That's what I do.

The only other thing that I miss is early morning in high school. Either the time that you hang out talking to your friends before class starts, or going off property for lunch at McD's. (Speaking of that Mrs. H. you owe me a 1971 penny.) High School in general was one of the best times in my life. I never went to a University so I can't say that that was the best time in my life. (Most people say that.) I'm not saying just the school part of high school, but the entire high school years. I met Mrs. H., I used to watch Moonlighting on Tuesdays, I would party and hang out with my friends. It was a great time had by me.

I just thought of something else that I miss, my grandparents who died years ago. They were the only people that really took care of me when I was younger. I miss them alot. I believe that I am who I am because of them. I also miss my dog Timber, my Star Wars toys, my G.I. Joe toys, my General Lee model, and my childhood.

What does that say about me as a person? Am I saying that I want my childhood back because I'm not happy with my current station in life, or do I just want happy times that I know are there? You never know what's coming around the bend. I know when I was happy, but I don't know if I'll always be happy. Do I have some unresolved issues with my parents? I have no idea. Sometimes I want to seek therapy, but then I think that it's just a bunch of stuff that I can fix on my own. Like I have money for therapy. Then again maybe this blogging thing is good therapy for me.

I hope that everyone is happy and life is good. I hope that your childhoods were as precious and memorable as mine. I hope that you all enjoy my walk down memory lane.

Peace out Bitches!

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

You talkin' to me?

I'm thinking of going with the mohawk myself. What do you think? Several things to talk about today.

I am in a good mood. I ate out Mrs. H. Oh I mean I went out to eat with Mrs. H.

Work is going fine.

My movie ideas are flowing. I just need to hunker down and create them.

I watched Stir Crazy today and it made me laugh. There's nothing like nostalgia of your growing up years. I love that. Although my friend Joe told me to watch D.C. Cab because he loved it as a kid. I remember that several people liked this movie. I am not one of them. Granted it was dated and all from 1983, but the acting and the jokes were horrible. I know what you will say. I am a movie snob or I pick to much or whatever. I know what I don't like and that is one of them. Now there are movies that I watch and love from my childhood that nobody else does. That is fine and we are all entitled to our own opinion and this was mine.

Once again it is 330 and I was going to go home at 130. Well there goes that plan. One of my guilty pleasures is watching the mexican television stations and waiting for the women to come on with no bras. That and some of those shows are funny. I know you will all call me a pervert and say that I need a girlfriend. I'm way ahead of you. I have my eyes on a blonde girl that works at the Q T. She gets off work at 7 in the morning and always walks north down 7th street. One day I'll get her and then who will be laughing? I will, I will, me and Mr. Nimpter. Yes you will all be sorry some day when I have the skin of a girl. I mean a girlfriend. Damn backspace and delete buttons are broke on this fucking computer. If I do freak out, don't worry I won't come after you. I will come after you though. Well I have to go prepare now. 3 hours and 20 minutes until she leaves. So unsuspecting, so innocent, so nice, but I can turn quicker than a unicycle. Pray for forgiveness on that day.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

It's been soooooooooo long.........

I haven't written anything since before my birthday. Many things have happened and this is what they are............

1. My birthday party was a blast. I enjoyed it so much. Thanks to Mrs. H. for throwing the party and all who came. I got to see boobs that I haven't seen before and boobs that showed up to the party. (Thanks Rob for coming.) I've actually done something that Jesus couldn't do. I turned 34.

2. My 40 hour work week turned into 32 and could go down further. My job sucks and I know this, and soon maybe I will get another job. If I can get off my lazy ass.

3. I was patrolling around a church the other day and I saw a pit bull get hit by a car. Then another car ran it over and then another. It was a sad day and it shook me up real bad. It's an image that will always stick with me. For those who don't know this is NOT A JOKE.

4. The levees broke in New Orleans and racism and classism reared it's ugly head. Black people this, poor people that, black poor people blah blah blah. Will Racism ever be gone.

5. My throat started hurting the other day and then I got sick. I was conjested, feverish, and achey. I took a bunch of medicine and orange juice, and I am now on the road to recovery.

6. This blog is boring, this blog is shit, you'd have more fun playing with your clit.

I'm sorry that I couldn't think of anything funny or profound. I sit around most of the day thinking oh I'll write about that in my blog. When it comes to it, I forget what I wanted to write. Without Brig and Matt to pick on I've got nothing. My blog's are boring and meaningless. Nobody gives a shit. I'm in fear of losing my fan base. The 2 of you that read this.

Sorry to waste your time, but it's 4 in the morning and I can't think of anything clever to write.