Monday, September 27, 2010

Autofellatio, Chicks with dicks, and Big Red

Ok well this is about a week late. I am ready to do our next show Monday at 8pm and I haven't even written about the last show.

Well I just think Autofellatio is a weird thing. For those of you who don't know about it, it's the art of sucking ones own dick. So now more power to you if you can do this, but it just makes no sense why you would want to do this to yourself. A funny story that I remember that my cousin told me was that one day she had brought a guy home and they started making out and fooling around, and then suddenly he pushes her away and starts sucking his own dick. WHAT THE FUCK!!!! Now, I said, "Did you just sit back and see what happens? Did you see if he spit or swallowed?" She said that she had actually stopped him and said, "Sit back I'll do it." That is just too funny. Weird people in this world. I mean you have a woman right in front of you that is going to blow you, and you stop her and do it yourself. What is wrong with this picture. Plus the fact that it's a little gay. Ok, it's ALOT gay!

The other thing is Chicks with Dicks. Who do these people date? I guess they date other Chicks with Dicks. I mean in one way they could take turns being the dude. It just blows my mind that you don't hear about chicks with dicks being born, but they do exist. I guess there are people out there who find this sexy, some kind of fetsh. I do not find it sexy in the least. Disturbing is more the word for it. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion.

Now for Big Red.........
Big Red was what my cousin called her vibrator. It was red with a black twist control at the base. She would have hours of fun with it. We both slept in the same room but in seperate beds. One night she asks me if it's ok if she masterbates. I said yeah sure. I was thinking that she was just going to finger herself and make it quiet. Alas that was not the case. Suddenly I hear a little motor, and her moaning. Then the motor gets muffled and then not and then muffled and then not. So you can picture what's going on. I then covered my head with a pillow. Too funny.

Well that's about all for now. Our next show is about superheroes, odd moments at gay bars, aliens and ufos, odd news of the week, and of course movies.

Don't worry, be happy.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

My stories

I don't know what it is about me, but I could really care less if someone feels less about me as a person because of my experiences in life. If I shat myself a couple times while at work; got a blow job by a hooker; paid a pregnant stripper 2 bucks to dance for me; or couldn't get it up for my first time having sex, that's what makes me who I am. I have been told that I am a great storyteller, and I will continue to tell these stories until I am dead.

People often shake their head at me or wonder how I could tell a certain story. I tell it because it's funny and it happened to me. Some people have stories but they are stereotypical. My stories are unique. Some are only funny to me because I lived them. Most are funny because they are so out there.

My family was not really WHITE TRASH, but from my stories you would think we are. When I was little I use to wear an underwear band around my head. I wanted to be like my dad, because he wore a bandanna. I know you thought I was going to say underwear band. HAHAHAHA. We lived in a big blue bus; and our swimming pool was a kiddie pool that my mom, dad, Timber, and I use to use. Wow, maybe we were White Trash.

The point is that all your experiences in life are what forms you as a human being. Life's a journey not a destination, as Aerosmith would say. Some people have bad luck, sad stories, death, rape, beatings, and any other horrible thing you can think of. As for me, it's all good and bad, but I do know one thing....It's kind of a funny story.

Monday, September 06, 2010

Shooting the sh*t

Religion is a funny thing. I think that I am a believer, but then there are times when I just don't know. Some things can't be explained but then sometimes it's looking for these miracles that make it seem absurd. Did Jesus exist? Yes probably so. Does GOD exist? Who knows. The Big Bang Theory is a very good possibility. I mean you can combine all kinds of things to make something. Hell, who knew that Mentos cause Diet Coke to explode? Was Joan of Arc of nutcase who heard voices, or was she an instrument of GOD? Very interesting. I am not really sure, but my friend Serjio and I will discuss these type of things on our radio show tonight.

Another thing that drives me nuts is REALITY TV. If this isn't the dumbing down of America, I don't know what is. Although there were shows back in the 50s that were a form of reality. They had a show that was called Queen for a Day, and the contestants would tell their life story and then people would vote on whose story was the worst. Then that person would win Queen for a day. Another show was called beat the clock. It was a show where people would win money if they perform a task in a certain amount of time. Those sound like they could be fun. Those are game shows, and not reality tv. Now we have just people who have no moral values, no brains, and no good reason for being on tv. It's annoying because we watch. Why? Who knows. To see people make asses out of themselves or to make yourself feel better about who you are.

I don't fucking know what the world has become. Hopefully we will get out of this funk and do something of importance. By we, I mean America. I don't give a shit what Lady Gaga is wearing, listening to, or buying at Starbuck's. My friend Serjio says, "The important information is getting pushed out of our heads, and the useless stuff is gettting put in." We may forget something like what year Colombus sailed the ocean blue, but remember "The situation" on Jersey Shore. How fucked up is that?

Well I could talk about this forever, but I will leave you with a movie review.

A movie that I saw recently that was pretty good was called, Unthinkable. It stars Samuel L. Jackson, Carrie Ann Moss, and Michael Sheen. It is about a terrorist who plants 3 nuclear bombs around the US, and the people who are trying to find them. They interrogate the terrorist. It brings up questions. How far do you push a terrorist for answers? When is torturing someone for answers too much? It's a very good movie. I highly recommend it.

Until next time, thanks for reading.